i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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