Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
