i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
