My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
