I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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