omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
