Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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