We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
