I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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