So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
