Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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