Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will pee on everything he values.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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