did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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