you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
