remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My balls are so social today.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize