you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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