as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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