I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
