Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
