You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
