Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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