That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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