The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize