Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
