im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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