i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
