There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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