just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
