i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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