Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found your dick twin last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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