I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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