Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
