I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize