Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
