Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
