Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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