So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
