just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
