I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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