Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
