I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
