Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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