5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
time to smoke my breakfast
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize