Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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