she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
