Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
