and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am midnight drunk by noon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
