Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
