Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
