we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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