i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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