im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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