I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Welp...herpes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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