I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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