the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
