I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
