So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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