it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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