Cold hands, warm shart.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
