My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
