She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
