It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
