I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
