There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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