Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
