i think my mom watched the whole time
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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