i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
