after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
