you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize