Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
